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Tuesday, December 30, 2008
growing cavity. bottomless pit. ironic truth. words. memories. lessons? feelings, desires. none. expression? methods. messages across. effectiveness. thought, sufficient? actions, everyday. lost. mess. confused, tangled. scissors? slow, steady, untangle. impossible invoked. time, every. escape. peace, solace, respite. inevitable impossible. few, close ones. that's all?. that's all. that's all. fulfillment. attempt. success, failure? clueless, indifferent. attempt. attempt attempt @ Anfield @..:: 1:08 AM Wednesday, December 24, 2008 i've lost so many things lately. Dance Camp was an absolute blast. preparation wasnt easy by any means, but everything turned out well. i used to be a perfectionist, not wanting any screwups at all. there was minimal screw up, and for that i am grateful and very happy. in a way, screwups actually make everything more fun. thanks everyone for the effort and hardwork put in in preparing for the camp. i cant say it enough, but you all have made all the fun we had possible. games, party, food. session after session was so good, even the low point of the camp was pretty high as well. its been a great effort , considering the amt of time spent preparing, and all i can say is that i really appreciate it all, cos you all have done much more than me, and i hope you've enjoyed yourselves as well. happy faces that i see all around is all is needed to make it all worthwhile. as the year is coming to an end, its time to look back at 2008, and then look forward in 2009. 2008's been great. getting to know more people, making new friends, finding something that i love doing, doing meaningful things whilst having fun, while maintaing old friendships. highlights included orientation, valentine's day (first time seeing such love being spread around, u dont get to see this in high school do you), bboy audition, A divs, shake! '08, inspire perf, farewell party, promos, PW, ocip cambodia =DD, Dance Camp. in each of them, i learnt something new about myself, and this vast world. excluding events, being a part of OG18, MAD, bboy div, 08S6C, ocip cambodia =DD, has really been great fun and all. i'll treasure all the memories that we have together, and hope that our friendship will not end in the near future. not forgetting NPCC, where i've forged strong friendships, as well as learnt so much. thanks to everyone who's taught me so much, helped me when i was down, and shared my joy when i was happy. 2009's going to be a really busy year. hoping right now i can handle it, and so can everyone else around me. dance night, orientation, a lvls, and so much more. not really sure what's it going to be like, but im gonna prepare myself for it. it'll be over in a flash, so lets work hard and have fun while we can. i wonder if i've found enough. @ Anfield @..:: 3:25 PM Thursday, December 18, 2008 when the going gets tough, the tough get going. at the same time, think about how many others out there have gone through tougher times, and how they come through/hang on. dont despair, for when things are that bad, it can only get better. we sometimes just dont know how lucky we are. and mostly, when we do, its too late to realise. so its probably time to have some faith in yourself. oh, and on top of having faith, understand that you probably know yourself best. dont be too affected by what others say, cos believing in yourself is key in dispelling rubbish. but if you dont know yourself, its time to get started. i suddenly miss a carefree life. maybe the car will move on. all we need is to refuel once in a while. for probably that's all we're going to get, on this long long journey. tag replies karl: okay thanks. -.- xinyi: haha okay. jiawei: YESS! especially so! =D drE, kaze: white rocks more! sq: yeaa indeed. kinda missed it abit in cambodia, but glad we got the chance again. lifern: heyy. haha thanks.i meant every word.urs was nice too =D dora: hello!! patricia: heyy. haha thanks as well! urs was nice too =D and i miss it too.. alvin: hello! yeaa teachers do too! what'd you get, dancing skills? =P mingchong: uhh yes, i got blog. haha thanks dude! jiamin: yep, i hope so indeed. xiaoxi: yep! thanks! i'll try xD. @ Anfield @..:: 1:57 AM Friday, December 5, 2008 one by one, we all depart. we disintegrate, slip back into our own individual lives seamlessly. the forced circumstance of one another's company no longer present, the result no longer possible. gaps start to form, distances start to appear and grow. it gets harder and harder to maintain, for everyone has their own unique life to live. chances become few and far between, reluctance grows, willingness falls tremendously. we stop, put on the brakes. and the car comes to an abrupt halt, with passengers flying, and airbags being used. once past, chances never come back. fact of life, accept it. we cant stay together forever. fact of life, accept it. not the first time, but yet the gripping fear is more intense, the sadness more fatiguing. beautiful memories, yes. treasure them of course, without a doubt and without mentioning. but yet ironically its our natural reaction, push us to want more, the greed so intensifying, failure is not an answer. and yet while we know possibility of success is 0, we continue to hang on to the last glimmer of hope, for that's what keeps the memories vivid, what keeps us going forward, what keeps us looking forward. impossible to suppress. do we want to? emotions are the most inexplicable, irrational, and yet amazing and precious part of humans, why suppress them?and yet fear of showing them, portraying our weak side to others, leads us to numb ourselves in anyway possible. is that the solution out, to dismiss our emotions? cowardly to do so? or, acknowledge and face them bravely? is that the real sign of strength then? different people will choose different ways out. some feel differently, some feel to a different depth. that's why each individual is unique, worth our respect. and that's what makes diversity so crucial, so precious, yet so natural. ironically then, it is probably the thing that separates ourselves. are we in any position to judge one another's mentalities and actions? is there, and will there, be a right and wrong? in our everyday rush to achieve materialistic achievements crucial for future success in the future world, we tend to forget about what is real success to us. what is our real goal in life, the one thing that would make us satisfied. satisfaction in simplicity, but yet simplicity is complicated, especially so in these sophisticated environments many of us are in. have we spent time thinking about who we are, how we react to situations, and all our different emotions? has the everyday rush numbed us so, till emotions are just a minute detail in our lives? some may ask, are we thinking too much then? shouldnt we just appreciate things, and go by our natural reaction? well, good question. go figure. our project was to serve. to teach, to paint. and to learn at the same time. more than learning about the place and the culture, we learnt more about ourselves, the people around us, and how to deal with future situations. we were served more so than otherwise, at meal times, and every other time they were so nice and accomodatin. we were taught instead of the reverse, of the simple facts of life. our lives were, in my mind, without a single spot of doubt, painted so beautifully and colourfully, by the children, and everyone else. have we really done our part then? i guess so, to a certain extent. but i've definitely taken much more than ive given. i hope its just a storage system, ready for extraction anytime, and with more output than input, in future. will the car move again? @ Anfield @..:: 12:37 AM Tuesday, December 2, 2008 OCIP Cambodia. 20 Nov 2008 - 2 Dec 2008. Phnom Penh, Siem Reap. the past 13 days has been absolutely amazing. its been real fun, and that's probably an understatement. its also been a real eye-opener, as i got to see many things we dont usually see and encounter, living in our sheltered lives. its also been very meaningful, offering our service at UNACAS (Unaccompanied Children's Association), going to the killing fields and the Tuol Sleng Genocide Musuem, Angkor Thom, Angkor Wat, Ta Prohm, and everything else. servicing at the orphanage was really meaningful, teaching the kids there enlighs (**i saw this, but i shant change this cos its a nice pun**), help paint the walls, as well as interacting and playing with the kids. i cant put it in words, but u'll understand the joy of it if u experience it, and that's probably the only way. we also got to learn alot through the kids, about how simple their lives are and yet how satisfied they are, and how warm they are to foreigners. every part of this trip was filled with fun, laughter, and everything else good. its very hard to put it all down, so im not going to do so, but its down in my head anyway. I had a real good time, thanks to everyone who went on this trip along with me, for being who u are and what you did. it really made the journey so much fun, i wanna go back again! having actually adapted to the lifestyle there, its quiet hard to adjust back here, to a busy, hectic life, with things piling on u very fast, and seeing skycrapers everywhere, where technology is so common. i really miss cambodia now, wanna really have so much meaningful fun everyday single day, living carefree lifestyles. but i'll definitely cherish the beautiful memories, for they are once in a lifetime, and they'll follow me for a long time to come. im really glad i went on this trip. got to know new friends, learn new stuff about others, cambodia, and myself of course. an experience of a lifetime everything in our life only go by once. if u miss it, that's it. if it wriggles out of ur arms, that's it. its gone. something similar may pass by once again, but its never going to be the same thing. so grap them before they go by, hold on tight while u can, and treasure those memories when its past. its amazing how human emotions work. emotional attachment forms so easily, and yet detachment is so painful and draggy. but this is what makes humans human, its what make emotions so amazing, so inexplicable, so precious. i dont know what state of mood im in now. i just noe i miss cambodia and OCIP cambodia alot. @ Anfield @..:: 11:15 PM |