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Tuesday, February 25, 2014
and so its passed for 2 days.
in the hours leading up to the show, I can only say that I had no face to everyone. the audience coming in to watch, the performers, simply because the show wasnt ready, and the crowd was just too few, too sparse. i let everyone down with all the poor organisation. the lousy overview and bad handling of the bigger picture. it was headed to a real disaster. everyone's hard work would be wasted because of me. i let the crowd of 400 down. i let the 100 performers and workers who should have had a crowd of 570 down. i let the entire imperial singsoc down. total numbers of 400+. i let a total of 900 ppl down.
there's really no way i can be convinced that what happened during the show had anything to do with me. nor can i ever be happy with what i did. the time and effort of 100+ people who believed in me was utterly thrown away by me and me alone, and along with it went the belief in and expectations of ICSS.
i made so many mistakes. so so many mistakes. commitment counts for nothing when you have no quality.
i just let everyone down. i can read in everyone's notes that they didnt believe in this, didnt like it one bit, hated my guts, and just basically think i was trash. i can sense the hate in their voice and words. that they rather not have done this.
i think of all the bad decisions i made. publicity. music director. acting TA. umar. jaren's final speech. i let down so many people. i let down my dear director. there's no way back. there's no redemption. there's no 2nd chance. i can only say sorry to everyone. and a big thank you. especially right now, to my dear director. who fought alongside me. who constantly asked after me. who always always was strong in the face of adversity. im so desperately sorry for allowing jaren to take away all that u were supposed to have. and that we were supposed to share.
to my dearest exco. you guys fought and worked ever so hard. ever so faithfully on. despite my mistakes, you guys just continually ran the show. all the last minute insertions, all the last min actions, all the last minute information. all the changes, all the panic. all handled so well. that even in doubt of my actions and decisions, you guys soldiered on, and brought your teams with yall.
gabriel, for tanking for all my arrows w rgds to food, last min pizza and stuff. and to last min pubs, arcade, and props. and all the heavy carrying. buying food for jacq. the last minute translations.
yiliang, for tanking emcee. for last min parachuting in to play the bass. for last min taking over fb page planning. taking outstanding care of your chorale team.
siming and yuzheng, for all the nights spent with the dance team. choreography, cleaning up choreo. team welfare. countless videos. talking to hazel. being there for your team. being really strong. siming, for choreographing the getai movements.
weijie. all your publicity efforts. the lovely programme booklet and your contribution to the ticket. ticketing admin. FOH. your last min lines reading sessions. constant care for the acting team.
yisheng. music team planning was outstanding. took real care of them, and they all were really in the loop of their job. always there for them.
jenyi. wat a job with set design. doing up all the props. information relaying. ticketing. admin nominal roll. doubling up stage manager. buying beer for your team. pulling ppl in last minute to help, like qam. dealing with all the last minute changes and handling everything with u and ur team without a single complaint.
hongrui. what else. always there to help, in terms of making decisions. wat a job juggling president and music director. i underestimated the role of the music director, but u did both jobs superbly. always there for music trng. chorale trng. cast's singing training. guiding jia le in conducting, helping jiahui's confidence when she is singing solo during rehearsals. all the other stuff that i turned to you for.
i could not figure out why i was in the state i was in on saturday night. but now i know. that i was absolutely distraught with the poor job i did, and really had no face to face anyone. And, a mountain of gratitude to you guys who fought on, along with others. because the show is really all your effort, none of mine. because i dragged it to the drains, and you guys and the rest of the perfomers salvaged it, and added so much more to the audience. it is thanks to the commitment of all of you and your friends that made the difference ultimately.
i feel the huge sense of emptiness now. but more than anything. i feel the huge sense of guilt. I wish you guys had a much better Major Event Officer, so that your lives would have been much easier.
As AGM comes, i will stand up to answer any questions about ME if required. I will take responsibility of my mistakes. I will make sure to tell the next MEO all the bad things i did, so he/she wont repeat it.
It has been a real privilege working with you all. Sorry for everything. Thank you for everything.
@ Anfield @..:: 8:55 AM
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