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Thursday, August 19, 2010
i used to love alone time when i was outside. walking around, listening to my itouch, observing people and things around me. i used to love it when i'd just stand at the back of the group, watching, taking everything in, seeing how everyone enjoys themselves. i used to love sitting/lying on my sofa, watching tv, or blogging as such/thinking while using the computer in late nights, enjoying the silence and peace that comes with the time.
that's because i had company when i needed it.
now its gone, and alone times are so much more frequent. watching baseball early on saturday mornings, with no more instant noodle breakfast. no more ready-made breakfast and a cup of hot tea/milk/milo on working days. no more sumptuous dinner to await when out late at night, or someone to readily iron/find/wash clothes when i need them urgently. no one to cut fruits for the family, or to wash the dishes, or to change the bedsheets and tea, or to take in the mail. no one to take care of the garden, or to arrange our shoes, or to catch roaches/insects. no more clearing the table after our meal, or when i fall asleep after staying up for the night when friends are over. no one to fill my water bottle, or make me refresh and other drinks. no one to wake me up for medicine, or cook delicious porridge, or keep my umbrella for me, or open the door for me when it is pouring. no one to transfer my towel from the chair to the hanger, or to wash the towel, and all the clothes. no one to disturb when the tv is loud late into the night, or early in the morning, or when we play mahjong. no need to close the play room door for fear of waking people up, or carefully crossing over the dogcage in order not to make noise, or to take quick baths in the wee hours of the morning to prevent waking people up.
time to get used to being alone, all the time.
@ Anfield @..:: 12:17 AM
Monday, August 16, 2010
happy laughter, happy smiles. sort of a one in a million. mostly, its been hours. recently i guess its seconds.
good improvement i suppose. except perhaps in the times where its the rest of the one-in-a-million, its been pretty much the exact opposite.
i guess all my friends being happy with their lives, or just being happy, brings about moments of smiles for me. those who once were, those who still are. everyone is going for bigger and better things. =)
i remember that none of my top5 strengths were adaptability. now i see why. although supposedly one of the top few in many hwachong students, it is pretty hard to adapt continually to everchanging situations. i havent had been able to settle down for longer than 3 weeks since january. constant changes, emotional, physical, environmental, through the past few months (its just only 7 months) have been tough to handle, and i think there is more to come. for someone who prefers stability and routine, perhaps this is too much at the moment. and the future looks bleak, in terms of stability.
this is a very long post.good night.
@ Anfield @..:: 1:36 AM
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